Never Being Boring

An Ode to Versatility

My favorite people to dish about sex with are bisexual women. They have experience with men, women and sometimes trans folk so their perspective on sex and relationships is vastly different from that of straight women.

Some are in open relationships with straight men who are okay with the occasional girl-on-girl playtime. Some are swingers where both parties enjoy a bit of novelty. Some are married to bisexual men and celebrate the gay-guy side of their bi husband’s sensibilities. Some have adopted primarily lesbian relationships but play with men when female partners are in short supply.

“Gas station coffee is still coffee.” So to speak.

The bisexual women in my world tend to be less misandrist than hetero-fatalists because they aren’t dependent on relationships with men in order to have their romantic and sexual needs met. And, for that reason, maybe they’re a little less likely to tolerate hetero relationships in which a dude fails to make a reciprocal effort.

My bi-girl friends mostly pass for straight because they understand the social currency attached to appearing vanilla, heterosexual and monogamous. Many have families, kids, successful careers and hold the world together through this dehumanizing shitshow while being selective about who they reveal their relational preferences to. It’s impossible to typecast a bisexual woman.

Some bi women come out later in life or only after being given permission, by a partner or by themselves, to explore beyond the boundaries of straight conditioning. Midlife is a time of taking-no-shit so late-in-life bisexuality and lesbianism are not uncommon phenomena.

Most of the female and trans sex workers I’m friends with are bisexual; perhaps because they’ve felt more understood and less threatened by their relationships with other women. There’s one male sex educator I know whose partner (well, one of his partners) told me he’s like a lesbian trapped in the body of a man. Meaning, he comes prepared for hours of play and doesn’t make his penis the star of the show. Like a woman, he shows up equipped with toys, lube, snacks, creativity and an attitude of giving rather than taking. All of which are marketable skills in dating and make him a valuable sex educator.

If sexuality were an option, I think more heterosexual women would be bi.

I’m hard at work this week on a clinical presentation about libido. It’s technical. Clinical. Touching on biological, psychological and social/relational aspects of female sexuality. I’m also going into pharmacological intervention. I’ll record the session and offer it up here on video.

I’m also attending screenings this week of The M Factor 2: Before the Pause (Perimenopause) and The Pink Pill. Both of which feature some of my favorite professional colleagues and teachers. I’ll take notes and offer my thoughts on these features in the coming weeks.

On Thursday March 12th at 10am EST/7am PST, I’ll be joining Dana DuBois on The Daily Whatever Show to chat about sex, dating and women’s midlife health. Feel free to drop a comment if there’s a question you’d like me to address.

Take Care of One Another!

All my Best,

Amber Hull, DO